What to do when your boyfriend or girlfriend chooses their family over you

Shirley_av asks: My boyfriend’s family came to know everything about our relationship and gave him a choice to choose between family and love, and so he chose his family over love, and her mother made him promise not to talk to me. But I want to save my relationship. What can I do?

Hi Shirley_av –


I wish I had a great, clever answer for you, but we pups are just not that smart.  I can certainly relate to the feeling you’re having – it feels like every time I’m locked in a cage.  Whether at the pound, or at a veterinarian’s hospital, or a groomer’s.  I hate being locked up, and even go a little crazy to get out, but of course the cages are built for dogs to not be able to leave.  So I’m stuck.  For what seems like forever.  And it’s living hell.


My friend, if your boyfriend were forced against his will to not see you, I’d say there’s a chance.  Then it’d be a Romeo and Juliet sort of situation.  But he was offered a choice, and made it.


And so my best advice is to move on.  And I know that’s devastatingly hard.


I’m not saying you should expect to feel good about it, or that your bad feelings will end soon.  They might take weeks, or months, or longer.  But if you can do whatever you can to move forward in your life, and into a new chapter, one of two things will happen.


First, he just keeps doing what he’s doing now, and you move on, and eventually find other guys who will treat you better, and – although you’ll never forget him completely – he will start to matter less and less.  And you’ll be okay.


Or Second, he follows his family’s rules for a while, but then starts missing you more and more, and eventually breaks out and comes back to you and begs you to forgive him and accept him back.  And while this sounds wildly romantic, it has happened.


Either of those will be a better situation than the one you’re in now.


Oh by the way, my trick, when I realize I’m stuck in a cage, and there’s nothing I can do, is to knock out.  I take a couple of deep breaths, and go straight to sleep.


This is really good.  I don’t chew my foot off, I don’t do alcohol or drugs, I don’t run around saying awful things about those I love…  I just pull back and take care of myself.


That’s what I’d like you to do right now.  And be VERY kind to yourself, as this situation has got to hurt like blazes.


But if you can pull yourself together over time, and move forward, life can only get better.


Which in no way is to lessen the fact that THIS JUST STINKS AND I’M SO SO SORRY!!!


With all my best,


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