What to do when someone is jealous of how your ex feels about you

Sruthi asks: My best friend is also my ex. His best friend is the girl who proposed to him. She really hates me. And today she called me the worst words ever. I feel like I’m gonna kill myself. I asked my ex if he didn’t care about me, and he didn’t even reply. What should I do?

Hi Sruthi –



Okay, first thing you should do – DON’T kill yourself!  If we can get that worked out, the rest is far simpler!!


So here’s the simple fact – she’s jealous of you.  There’s no other reason why she’d bother you.


I hate jealousy.  I can fall into it myself (Handsome will pet a puppy and tell him how cute he is, and I want to beat that little mongrel to a pulp!).  But it’s really an emotion that does no good, and makes everyone miserable.


This girl probably picks up that your ex still has feelings for you (even when people break up knowing it’s the right thing to do, and even disliking the person they’re breaking up with, they still have feelings for that person; it’s impossible not to).  And she’s got her own voices telling her she’s not good enough, and all that nonsense.


My suggestion is that you tell your best friend, your ex, that he needs to talk to her.  That if he wants you both in his life, he’ll need to take some charge and keep her from talking this way.


Now if he doesn’t actually care about having her in his life, if she’s just interested in him in a one-sided way, that’s another story, and you’d be best off just trying to ignore what she said, knowing that’s just her pain and there’s nothing you can do about it.


But if he’s friendly with her, or more, then he’s the only one who can help the situation.


And if he can’t, if his feelings are too messy for that (which could easily be the case, and would explain his non-response), then I think the best thing for you to do is to tell him “You’re my best friend and I love you, but I think I’m going to need a bit of space for a while.  Let’s talk in a week or two.  But right now, hanging around you is dangerous for me!”


Most likely that’ll get him acting!


Best of luck!


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