Ladyy Spring asks: Last month we were having a birthday party at my best friend’s place and we all got drunk. So my best friend’s brother is younger than her and I’ve also considered him as my brother as he’s 2 years younger than me and I’ve known them growing up. The thing is we are all staying out of town and we are neighbours now. Everything was fine, and we were like loving brothers and sisters until the birthday night we got drunk and lost consciousness, and as I started gaining it back, I realized that I was making out with my best friend’s little brother in my room. I freaked out!! In the morning my best friend came to know that his brother stayed in my room the other night but she didn’t say anything at all she was fine with it. Now for some 20 days her brother has been treating me as his girlfriend – he’ll come spend more time with me, treat me very gently, very loving and caring… But I don’t know how to react to this! I don’t even know whether I’ve feelings for him or not! Is it infatuation??! Obviously not love!! Do I continue?? Do I stop?? I don’t know …but deep down I don’t want to hurt him. And lately I’ve been feeling very uneasy to face my best friend. Should I tell her?? Will it spoil my relationship with her?? From childhood I’ve never hidden anything from her we were always sharing each and everything with each other. I’m so confused!
Hi Ladyy Spring –
What a story! Wow!
This is one reason you guys should never give us pups alcohol. We’re wacky enough without this help! (Plus it’s bad for us physically; it’s often not good for you guys, but worse for us).
So your story is complicated and exciting and all that, but it strikes me that, deep down, you’re asking a very simple question: Your best friend’s brother is falling for you, and you’re not sure of your feelings about him. So what do you do with that?
Now you didn’t tell me your age, but since you and your friends have moved out of town, I’m going to assume you’re not so young that I need to bark at you about drinking, or worry about any legal issues with the age difference between you and the brother.
So I’ll just stick with the main issue, which is that you are in such a panicked, freaked-out place, you can’t figure out your own feelings! And it’s got to feel crazy-making that you can’t really talk to your friend, or to her brother, about what’s happened, because of this big missing piece!
So your job, my friend, is to do what I do. When I’m confused, or have trouble grasping a concept, I pull away. We dogs like to use dens – that might mean a crate or hiding under a bush, or even crawling under a bed – when we feel unsure about things. But also I like just walking out into a yard and going to sleep. Whatever method I use, though, the one way I know I can’t figure anything out is to be playing with my doggy friends or jumping all over my hman friend Handsome or hunting squirrels. I need a break.
Now there’s nothing actually wrong in anything you’ve done. Your friend might think it’s cute or fun or romantic if you and her brother become an item. And if you decide you’re not into him, and explain to him that the mixture – of him liking you, him being cute, and one drink too many – all led you to do something you otherwise wouldn’t, my guess is he’ll get over it.
But as long as you don’t know what you want, nothing can move forward.
So take a break, go on a hike, or sit with your eyes closed taking deep breaths, or any other method that works for you.
And find your own truth.
It doesn’t have to be a deep truth (the guy didn’t ask for your hand in marriage!), just enough for you to figure out what you’d like best for right now. And whatever it is, it sounds to me like you’ll be able to get it right away – which is pretty great when you think about it!
But I will add one further comment: This guy is a good guy, and all that happened while you were drunk was some innocent making-out. But I do want to caution you, be careful in the future. You now know something about what can happen to you with drinking; and I’d sure hate for you to wake up at another party finding yourself in a far worse situation. So although I know it feels fun to get silly-drunk, I’d sure love you to take more care in the future – drink more water, slow it down, whatever works. Just don’t let something happen you really don’t want to. Okay?
Now go pursue your own romantic truth!!