Should I keep pursuing someone who can’t get over their last relationship

Outcast asks: I love this girl a lot and I don’t know what to do. She said she loves me too, but is afraid of getting into another relationship because the last one did not work out. Should I keep waiting, or should I give up and move on (which I’ve been trying to do for months). I’m always sad these days, and I don’t know if I’m obsessed or if I just love her that much.

Hi Outcast –


This is such a common problem, and it’s always so tough. I guess the most famous expression of it is a great old song by Hank Williams called “Cold Cold Heart” – I recommend you listen to it, maybe a few times. It’s exactly what you’re living through.


There’s no easy answer to your question, because there’s no way for anyone (including the girl) to know when she’ll get over the pain of that last relationship. I do believe that she will, but again, I have no idea if it’ll be this week, this month, this year, or even this decade.


The question I’ll ask you, though, is what you mean by “waiting.” If you’re sitting waiting for her to call you and be happy, then yeah I’d say that should stop. If you mean there’s someone else you’d like to get involved with but are holding back for her, that’s a tougher question.

But if you mean that you’re wondering if you should completely commit to someone else, maybe this is a sign that you’re not ready for that just yet. As long as this girl seems to be what you want, it’s probably wrong to give yourself over to someone else you’re not as interested in.


But my general rule in life is to try as hard as you can, but then be willing to give up and move on. So if it’s possible to give up on a romance with this girl right now, and stay friends with her while you date other girls, so that you can be there for her when she gets ready to take a chance again… that sounds pretty ideal to me.

On one hand, you’ll be happier and be having more fun. But on the other, she won’t feel as much pressure from you, and that might make it easier for her to let herself give you a chance.

And if she doesn’t… and you meet someone else even more wonderful… that’s great news for you, although sad news for her.

Far better if she manages to get over that bad relationship and find out how great you are!


Best of Luck!


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