When should you tell a date about your physical issues?

Jen asks: I read a post of yours which included the disclosure that your human Handsome had been out on a few dates with a girl with a prosthetic leg. She kept quiet before letting him know. I recall you indicated he did not think it was a big deal because he had liked her from the first moment. But the question is, would he even have gone out on the first date if she had disclosed that fact before they physically met? Would he have welcomed her, or ask for subsequent dates? And overall, does omitting certain physical facts make connections possible?

Hi Jen –


Well I can’t speak for other guys, but Handsome was really clear about this to her and to me at the time – it didn’t bother him in the least; he’d have been very happy to go out with her, knowing about the leg.  In fact, he found it pretty fascinating.


The fact is, everyone has things that bother them, about others.  I love most people, but sometimes I’ll meet someone and just start barking.  I don’t even know what it is – something about them triggers me.  Maybe they remind me of someone who hurt me in the past, I don’t know.


So yes, that woman had known lots of guys who had rejected her because of her leg.  But those same guys might go out with a woman who was rude to a server at their restaurant table, and been fine with it, while Handsome would never ask her out again.  (In his book about me, he wrote very proudly that if I were in a fancy restaurant, I might jump onto people and steal their food, but I’d never insult the waiter!)


But that doesn’t mean Handsome thought she was wrong not to have told him about her leg.  He realized (and talked with me about it a lot) that she’d simply had no choice – as she said to him, “When is the right time to bring this up?!”  There isn’t one.  As much as he wouldn’t have been bothered, there are other guys out there who might not ask out a woman with that issue, but would be willing to stay with her after they got to know how wonderful she was, regardless of the leg.


So if you have some issue like that, something you’re kind of afraid to tell people about at first, my best suggestion is to try different things.  See what happens if you tell them at the beginning, and what happens if you hold off till later.   Maybe you’ll find it makes no difference.  And maybe you’ll find people treat you very differently.


And if you think of it, I’d sure love for you to tell me what happens!  I’d be fascinated to learn what you discover!







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