How to find out how someone feels about you if you only chat online

Wolfy asks: This boy and I have known each other for the past three years. We have been video chatting every day since before summer started, and in that time I have grown to like him. Like, like liking him, but I think he likes me too. He is funny and nice and I can always count on him. I like watching him play this game/ website (he can show me his screen on video chat) and if I suggest it no matter what he is doing (whether he is playing minecraft or pokemon or whatever) he will “get bored” with what he is playing right then and play that game. My computer automatically shows me as available and on that second it comes on he messages me. EVERY DAY WE VIDEO CHAT! He is on online school now, and when I was sick at home he messaged me while he was working. He also helped me through a tough time when my brother got something I should have had. Nothing is wrong when I talk to him – but when I think about the fact that I like him I can’t talk (and I can talk a person to death, my mother says!). I told my friend about it, and she told him, right when he and I were video chatting at that point and he was sharing screens – and they said: She: Wolfy likes you. You should ask her out. He: No thanx. She: she thinks you’re funny. He: No. She : She thinks you are hot. (That last line I never told her by the way but she is known to prank us with relationships so he may not believe – plus I did not back it up and said that is not right) What’s your advice?

Hi Wolfy –

So this seems to be the same sort of question I get a lot, of the “I’m shy, so how can I tell if he likes me” flavor. But with a twist – your contact is all on video chat!

But really, it’s all the same issues as usual. We’re dealing with two problems: first, that you get so nervous about liking him that you can’t talk (which I have to say, even from a dog’s point of view, is really cute and adorable!). And second, that we don’t have any idea what he’s feeling.

Could it be that he just isn’t into girls yet (or just isn’t ever going to be)?

Could it be that he sees you only as a friend, and doesn’t want to change that?

Could it be that he’s interested in another girl?

And could it be that he does like you the way you like him, but doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it with your friend?


ANY of those are possible! And as cool as video games are, they’re not going to help one bit in answering the questions of which it might be.


One thing I’m not clear about – do you actually see this boy as well? Do you go to school together, or live near each other? Because if so, you can go up and talk with him, and try to read how he’s reacting to you. Is he shy, nervous, excited? And could you ask him to a school dance, or even just to eat lunch together? Anything can give you a lot of information.

But if not, then all you’ve got is video chat. And my best suggestion then would be to chat about things other than the game you’re watching him play. Maybe ask him about the girls at his school. Talk about a movie you’ve seen and what stars you think are cute and see who he thinks are. There are a million topics you can talk about – songs, TV shows, even other video games – where you can lead the conversation to the two topics you really want to get to: who he likes, and what he might like to do sometime. Oh, he really wants to see the next Hobbit movie? Tell him how much you’d like to too (even if you couldn’t care less!). Arrange to go together to the opening night screening! There’s a videogame event coming to town? Talk about how fun it’d be to go to that together.

You see where I’m going?


And as always, I’ll throw in the warning, it could be that he’s just not into you in that way. And if so, don’t worry, there will be lots and lots of other boys out there for you.

But either way, it’s good to find out soon. That way, if he actually is a potential boyfriend, you can start enjoying that sooner. And if he’s not, you can start looking at other guys as possibilities.


Best of luck! Here’s hoping his feelings for you start building faster than his latest Minecraft world!



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