Should best friends date?

supermolly asks: I am superrr-close to this boy – he is like my best friend and we literally tell each other everything, and everyone is always going on about how we should get together and stuff, but we’re happy how it is. But lately one of my friends has been interested in him, and is trying to get me away from him, which I hate. But the other day I was thinking, “if he got a girlfriend what would I do,” and I’d be really upset now if I think about it. But I won’t admit my feelings to myself, and I’m really confused, and my best friend was asking him if he likes me like that, and he said he doesn’t know really – and that’s how I feel too! Can you help me?

Hi supermolly –

You know the oddest thing about your letter?  I’ve been doing this for a few years now, and you’re the first person to ever ask me this question!  I’m really surprised, because it seems like something that probably happens to humans all the time.

I don’t know your age, but of course it’s absolutely normal for humans to be friends one day, and then the next, as they mature, suddenly start looking at each other in different ways.  It would be extremely convenient if every human did this at the same time, say on their fourteenth birthday, or on the first day of high school.  But it doesn’t happen that way – some people start changing at age ten, and others not till fifteen, just like in every other aspect of teenhood (like body-shape changes).  It doesn’t mean you’re better or worse because of when it happens – it just does.

What’s cool here is that it sounds like you and this boy are at exactly the same level.  What’s not so great is that the world around you is changing, and at least one girl is interested in him in a romantic way, and I’ll guess that she won’t be the last, and you’ll find some boys getting interested in you pretty soon too!

Then there will be a day, probably not too far in the future, when either you or he start to look at someone in a special way too.  And will it be at the other member of your wonderful friendship, or at someone else?

I have absolutely no idea!


So what can you do?  Well, the very best thing to do is to talk with him about it.  You say that you two share everything, but then you say it’s your friend who asked him about his interests.  Maybe you need to.

Try asking him how he feels about that girl who likes him, or asking if he has any crushes.  How about you?  Do you have any boys who you particularly like (even ones you don’t know personally; One Direction and the Hemsworth brothers are just what I’m talking about!)?  Can you tell him about whoever that might be?

And here’s what I’m really after with all this:  You have a great friendship.  What you want is to keep it.  If you two become boyfriend and girlfriend some day, that’s great.  But if you start to get interested in other people, can you find a way to also stay best friends?

I cannot tell you how helpful it’s been to my friend Handsome to have some women friends in his life, who are super-supportive and full of advice and help, and sympathy, when he is dating someone.  And he’s pretty great for some of them too.

You have so much that will happen with you in the coming years.  And you are so lucky to have a guy like him in your life.  Make sure he knows you feel that way, and make sure you two make this decision now, before one of you gets all googly-eyed for someone!

(Especially if it’s each other!)


Best of luck!



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