Should we follow our heart or our head?

cute couple asks: If a girl like me loves a boy that… I’m not sure if he loves me but he always says, “I love you” when we talk… my mind tells me to love him, but my heart says no. What shall I follow my mind or my heart?

Hi cute couple –


This is one of the oldest questions known to humankind!  Head or Heart?  Oh and there are so many great songs about it:

Fools rush in

Where wise men never go

But wise men never fall in love

So how are they to know



Well you couldn’t say ‘no’ tonight

If I keep my heart out of sight



Heart of mine

Be still

You can play with fire

But you’ll get the bill!


Of course, songwriters tend to be very “heart” people, so you can generally guess that they choose that over the head most often.

But in truth, this is an area where humans and dogs are, or should be, largely alike.  We all start off as babies and puppies, being all heart, with no mind getting in the way at all.  Then over time we learn certain things that put the mind in the heart’s way (you learned not to cross the street without looking both ways; I learned not to jump onto the table and grab great-smelling food).  And that’s all great.

What’s awful is if we overlearn those lessons, to the degree that we’re afraid to be led by our hearts, even if it’s in an area that we haven’t learned to be dangerous.  Kids afraid to raise their hands in class when they know the right answer; dogs afraid to trust people who only want to pet them and give them treats; etc.

Romance is, of course, where these two issues meet.  Because on one hand, the person you’re interested in probably hasn’t done anything to tell you that you should be afraid of them.  But on the other, your feelings for them are so intense that you’re terrified of them telling you they don’t like you (or maybe even terrified of them saying they do!).

So this, cute couple, is the situation you find yourself in.  Except for one thing:  he has said “I love you” to you.  Now maybe he just means that in a friendly way, or maybe he’s saying it in hopes you’ll say “I love you too” and you two can start a wonderful romance together.  For now, you don’t know, and certainly I don’t.


The question then becomes: who are you, and who do you want to be!  Do you want to be a person who is super-careful and doesn’t take any risks, and stays alone and safe?  Or do you want to be a person who is wildly risky and takes every chance you can?  Or do you want to be somewhere in between?  Whichever you choose, there’s your answer.  If you’re super-careful, then don’t say anything, and hopefully he’ll go away.  If you’re super-risky, then just pounce on him the next time you see him, and don’t even let him up for air.

And if you’re in-between, then yes, follow your heart.  Tell him you (at least) like him too.  Dare to go out with him.  Dare to be nervous and hold his hand.  Dare to be scared that he might like you too much or he might leave or he might just be a funny odd guy who loves old songs that go like:

And if I hadn’t tried

I wonder where I’d be

If I upon-relied

On someone meeting me

But because I tried

Together we’ll always be…


Good Luck!  Let me know how it goes!




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