barbie girl neika asks: I like this guy who is 5 years older than me. We have been together for four years on and off, but we broke up. I still have feelings for him, but he cheated and lied to me, and when we broke up he and the same girl got in a relationship. They are even together now! He even let me talk to her on the phone! He calls her names like “princess” and “Mrs.”… I’m jealous. Do you think I should let him go????? I’m awaiting your answer
Oh Barbie Girl Neika –
I am SUCH a romantic! I spend so much time on this website trying to help couples work through problems, often including how to deal with the fact that one of them has done something wrong to the other.
But every dog has a breaking point. No matter how nice and cuddly and licky and sweet we are, if we get mad enough, the hair on our back sticks up and our fangs come out and we become wild wolves like our ancestors and just want to rip the guts out of what’s angering us. This is one of those cases.
Barbie Girl Neika, NO ONE deserves to be treated the way he’s treating you. It’s bad enough that he cheated, but he’s now being really cruel. You ABSOLUTELY should let him go. He doesn’t care about your feelings, and I imagine he’ll only treat you worse if you stick around.
So he’s a jerk; that’s his problem. The other thing that hits me is, though, about you. What in you feels you deserve to be treated so horribly? Who ever told you you were so unworthy?
This is a very common problem. Most people face some time in their life when they’re letting themselves be “walked over.” Your task now is to figure out how you got into this mindset, and work to make sure you’re never feeling this way about yourself again.
If you have access to one, I think a good therapist would be great, to help you build your self-esteem and learn your worth. But if not, there are lots of self-help books out there to help with this (especially for women). Meanwhile, there are so many fun movies about women getting more confidence, and singers from Loretta Lynn to Lady Gaga who are all about that.
So my advice is to, yes, leave this guy behind you. But even more important, leave this experience behind you, and work hard to make sure you never have to go through it again!
(And as far as you still having feelings for him – that’s very normal, and I understand that it’s tough. But the more you realize your worth, the less you’re going to care about him; and the sooner you’ll find someone else, who treats you better… and then you’ll be amazed at how quickly you’ll forget this meanie!!)
You Go Girl!!!