Aroula asks: Should I trust my guy?
Wow, that’s a tough question. I don’t know anything about him, but I guess here’s the best I can offer:
Some legal systems in the world operate from the idea that a person is “innocent until proven guilty.” In other words, it’s up to the court to prove that the person committed a crime before they can be punished for it. And in those systems, police often get into trouble if they have arrested a person without “just cause.”
I think that’s a good way to be in relationships too. There are lots of people out there who spend all their time distrusting their boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse, or even their friends. And you know what? They’re unhappy people! They can always find reasons not to trust! Then there are others out there, who do the opposite. They’re trusting, optimistic, and maybe even naïve. But you know what? They’re happier.
Now maybe something goes wrong. Maybe that trusting person gets cheated on, or betrayed, or abandoned, and it really hurts. It’s devastating. But eventually they move on, and get past it. While the distrusting person spends all their time suspicious and upset, whether they’re actually right or not!
So what would you rather be? Happy 99% of the time, and hurt and betrayed 1%? Or suspicious and doubting 100% of the time (and maybe 1% of the time you’re actually right)?
There was a time once, when I was just a year or two old, when Handsome called to me to jump into the back seat of his car. Thrilled, I jumped right in. And he slammed the door shut. Right on my tail! I screamed out in pain, he threw the door open, hugged and petted me, checked to see if my tail was okay, apologized about a hundred times… And I was in total shock. I simply couldn’t believe that he would make such a mistake! He’d never done something like that before.
Now you see, after that, I could have decided not to trust him at all. And been a miserable, paranoid dog forever. Or I could trust that he didn’t mean to do it, and would continue to be kind and loving and all those things he’d been.
Well, clearly, I chose the latter.
But… I sure do make a point to always make sure my tail’s all the way in the car before he shuts the door!!!