Should you pursue others while in a relationship?

susmita asks: I love a guy, but till now I haven’t confirmed if he loves me or not. Although both of us are in relationships now, how can I know what he thinks about me???

Hi Susmita –


Thanks for your question about how to tell if a guy likes you.


First, I want to direct you to an answer I’ve already written.  Look up Hannah’s question that starts with “I really like this boy.”  That will tell you most of what I have to say about that issue.


But you bring up another great point I want to address as well.  You say that you and he are both in relationships already.  Now I can understand why you’d want to find out how this boy feels about you, sure.  But what about the boy you’re already with?  Doesn’t he deserve to be more respected than that?  Wouldn’t it really hurt your feelings if you found out he was checking out how other women felt about him, behind your back?


And also, what about whoever the boy’s with?  How is that person going to react to finding out about your inquiry?  (I can tell you I am not nice when any other dog gets too much of Handsome’s attention!)


I don’t mean to be harsh here.  It makes sense to me that you might not want to break up with your current boyfriend unless you were sure of this other guy’s interest.  But I do want to warn you against cheating.  No one in the world is going to hold it against you if you break up with your current boyfriend and then start seeing this other guy.  But if you really pursue the other guy first, that’s kind of cheating, on both relationships.  And that could give you a really bad reputation.


So my advice is to be very very careful.  Sure, see if this other guy shows any interest in you.  But if he does, I think it’d be a great idea to ask yourself one big question: would you be okay with breaking up with your current boyfriend and not getting this guy?  If the answer’s yes, then you should probably break up, and let this guy see that you’re available in case he wants to break up too, and pursue you.  But if the answer’s no, I think that means you value your current boyfriend more than you realize.


Good Luck with it!


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