How to know if a friend is avoiding you, or is not okay.

Malavika asks: I have a friend. Yesterday I called her after school to see if I could go to her house. She said she wasn’t feeling well. But later that day, she said she needed to borrow a labcoat for school and she came over and she was fine. Again today I called her to see if we could hang out but she said she wasn’t feeling well. I asked one of her school friends, and she said that she was fine in school. She was speaking and talking fine in school. I’m a little scared. I don’t know if she is ignoring me, or hiding something or is she really not well? Please, I need advice!

What a mystery, Malavika!  I have no more idea than you do about what’s up, but I can offer one bit of advice:  Find Out!


And here’s the big issue here – every possible answer you have has an emotional side to it.  If she’s ignoring you, that hurts!  If she’s hiding something, that might make you mad!  And if she’s really not well, that’s really sad!


So your job is to Not Know.  To go to her and, in as friendly and open a way as you possibly can, ask what’s going on.  You might even say before you ask that you care a lot about her, and are going to be her friend no matter what she says.  And THEN ask why she keeps telling you she’s not feeling well, but seeming fine to others.


But if you go in assuming you know the answer, that’s when it could go badly.


It’s like when Handsome takes me on a long drive and we get to somewhere new and he lets me out.  The first thing I do is cock my ears way up, and open my eyes wide, and sniff the air.  Maybe there’s food there, or maybe something I want to chase, or maybe there’s a big mean dog I have to watch out for.  I start out being very aware that I Don’t Know.  And then, having learned all I can from that point of humility – then I can run and play and jump on people and grab food and, well, do anything I want.  Because then I know.


So go to your friend as friendly as you can, and really Not Knowing.  And then, once you find out what she has to say, THEN feel free to write me back and let me know, and maybe I can offer you some advice to help then.


Hope all goes well,




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