Sweetparker asks: I am 13 years old. When I started high school, I fell in love with F. Then I found out that he already had a girlfriend, so stopped having those feelings for him. Meanwhile, I had an enemy there as well, A. He and his friend like to disturb my friend and me. But after a fight with A, I realized I was falling in love with him! After that he made me furious with him, but I still love him. Then recently, F had a fight with his girlfriend and told me he loved me. Now, A can’t understand what I feel, but I just don’t love F. Please tell me – what should I do?
Wow, Sweetparker! Whatever happens, be sure and write this story down. This is just what makes bestselling novels, hit plays, and blockbuster movies! Everyone loves stories where the couple can’t stand each other and then fall in love – from all those Shakespeare comedies to Scarlett and Rhett, Leia and Han, and… hey even Lady and the Tramp had conflicts!
The tough news is that, unlike those, your situation is real, and doesn’t get worked out in a few hours.
The first thing I can tell you for sure, though, is that what seems to be a gigantic and endless problem now is really manageable and temporary. In easier words – you’re going to be okay! Part of being a teenager is feeling like every good and bad thing in your life will last forever. But as intense as the feelings you three have today are, they will ease over time if things don’t go right.
But meanwhile, you’re in the middle of it now, so… what do you do? Well, one possible thing is that you try to become friends with F. Tell him you’re just friends, but spend some time with him. Maybe you’ll find that you like him more and more over time, and start to feel what you felt when you started high school. Or maybe you both will just find a nice friendship, and if that’s the case, he’ll probably become a bit less in love with you – and that’ll be good too.
But in the meantime, what in the world are you going to do about A?! Well, here’s where a dog’s point of view can help. Now, no one is friendlier than a dog, right? And we will just walk up to a stranger and say hello, lick their face, and play, anytime we can. But there’s a limit. What if someone doesn’t want us around? What if they’re mean to us? What if they push us away, yell at us, or even kick us? We’ll go back one or two more times. But eventually the message gets through. We learn that that person doesn’t want us with them, we learn to not trust them, or we even learn to fear them. Now in this area, we’re often smarter than humans. Humans will go back again and again to people who’ve shown that they’re not interested in them, or even to abusers. Somehow people are really good at believing that “it’ll be different this time.” The scientist Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” And lots of people are, by that definition, insane!
So does that mean you should forget about A? Absolutely not! But have you tried to get to know him better? Have you tried to be a friend to him, or join in things that he likes? And most importantly – have you made sure he knows how you feel? Sometimes a guy can just tell how a girl feels by the way she looks at him. But other guys aren’t so good at that, so you have to work a bit harder. Though some guys get more interested if women ignore them – crazy as that sounds.
But what I’m saying with all this is that it’s very important that you do something. I’m not suggesting you do anything you don’t want to do (Please Don’t!), but just try some different things. And if nothing works with A, then you know what? He just isn’t right for you.
And this brings me to the most important lesson in all this: if someone isn’t right for you, then you deserve better! And so your job is to move on. You know, I’ve never won any dog shows. I’m not the best-trained dog in the world, I’m not the smartest, I’m not the prettiest. But do you know what I am? I am Handsome’s absolute best friend. And all those award-winners who get their pictures taken and all – not one of them is as loved by Handsome as I am. So be as good to yourself as I am to me. Find someone who treats you right! If it’s A, that’s great; if it’s F, that’s great too; and if it’s someone else you haven’t even met yet… that is absolutely fine too.
Just always remember the rule – don’t stay with anyone who doesn’t value you. You are special and wonderful, and deserve to be adored. Just like everyone else!