Why we get so hurt by those we love.

Duaa asks: “Why sometimes do we feel hurt by our dear ones and cannot smile? What to do then?”

Oh Duaa, I wish I had an easy answer for that!  The more we love someone, the more they can hurt us.  That’s part of what love is – when we open our hearts to someone, we let them in, with all their faults.  So if someone we love tends to say harsh things when they get angry, those mean words will hurt us more.  And if someone we love tends to pull away when they get scared or unsure of something, we’re going to be hurt by what feels like them rejecting us.

We can certainly work at it, though.  We can try to understand why people act the way they do, and to understand how the things we do can hurt those we love.  But it’s almost impossible to avoid the hurt entirely.

For example, if Handsome was to really try to avoid ever hurting my feelings, he’d have to:

never leave me alone again,

always give me all the food he has,

never give me a bath or take me to the vets or brush me…

he’d have to take me for walks without a leash so I could run wherever I want…

Wow! I’m changing my mind, Duaa!  This sounds GREAT! I totally want him to try to never hurt me again!!

But wait.  If he did that, then it would only be fair for me to do the same thing. I’d have to never hurt him again too!  I’d have to never bark loudly next to him, never jump on him when he’s wearing nice clothes, never interrupt his work…  Borrrrrrrrrrring!!!


But you asked what to do when you’re hurt by your dear ones.  There are a few answers.

First, make sure you really feel it.  Humans often try to cover up their feelings, and that’s not fair to you at all.  We dogs never to that.  It’s always okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.

Second, see if there’s something you can learn from the experience.  If I feel bad because Handsome’s angry at me, maybe I can learn how to behave in a way he would like better.

And third, hardest of all, is to forgive.  If the person didn’t mean to be mean to you, or if they were just doing what they thought they needed to, it’s often best just to try to go back to your life (Though if they’re really hurting you, that’s another story, and you should tell someone about it).

Every time Handsome leaves me at home alone, it makes me so sad!  But I know he doesn’t do it to hurt me on purpose.  So I have to work to forgive him.  And then, when he does come home, he makes it so easy, because he’s always just as happy to see me as I am to see him, and we just dive onto each other!  See, if I hadn’t forgiven him, I couldn’t do that.  And that would take one of the greatest joys in my life away.

And that’s my real advice for you, Duaa.  As much as it can hurt to love someone, there’s so much more good than hurt, so just keep loving!


In closing, I’ll quote one of my favorite songs, very wise words.

“You always hurt the one you love

The one you shouldn’t hurt at all

You always take the sweetest rose

And crush it till the petals fall

You always break the kindest heart

With a hasty word you can’t recall

So if I broke your heart last night

It’s because I love you most of all.”


About the Author

Leave a Reply 1 comment

Duaa - March 19, 2011 Reply

hi shirelle
I Hope you would be fine.I agree with you about this answer.It is better to go back to our life!!

Leave a Reply: